Jennifer:

Every week I play the lotto and so far every week I am still broke. I don’t play the Powerball where the reward is the minimum of $20 million. I play the state lotto where the minimum to win is $3 million.

And I am hopeful! Every week I swear I am going to win! I am so positive that I start making my list of purchases and have the audacity to ask my husband how quickly can he go on sabbatical.

I think of all the possibilities and how I can help myself and others. Which bills will I pay? (Answer: Oh my God! ALL of them, for once!!) Will I tell people that I won? Which charity will I support? Most importantly, how quickly can the moving trucks get here to move me out of Aisulov County! Forget moving trucks, I am rich! I am just packing up my personal items, which will consist of my family, photos, and special keepsakes. I will throw everything in my one box and go. One box, you ask? When I first moved to Aisulov, I figured why decorate when I am only going to stay here no longer than 6 months? Let’s not dwell on the fact that pretty soon I will be coming up on my 3rd anniversary.

Moving on, not only do I have my dollar and my dream; I have 14 dollars, all of my dreams, my fantasies, my prayers, my positive thinking, quotes from the book the Spirit, my rosary beads, holy water, and a scratch off ticket that I know will give me thousands of dollars that I may use for petty cash.

I ask and pray to the Lord to help me win the lotto. I promise that I won’t be ostentatious. I tell Him I will continue shopping at Old Navy and Target. I will continue shopping at Macy’s One Day Sale. I will still use my coupons to remind me of my humble beginnings. I promise I will be the same person I was before I came into money with the exception that I will now wear Christian Louboutins while I am using my coupons for BOGO items.

The next day I am giddy. I know I have won. I feel the despair of living paycheck to paycheck start to rise. I never wait up to see the numbers at night on the television. I love going to sleep thinking this will be the last time I sleep in 200 thread count sheets. I AM GOING TO WAKE UP A MILLIONAIRE! I check online for my winning numbers. I look at my ticket and I can’t believe it, I have all the numbers. I am rich! I have won! I am out of here!

God answered my prayers! I look at my ticket again and realize that when asking God for a hookup, one must be very specific.

So, here is my new lotto prayer:

<em>”Dear Almighty Lord,

I would love to win the lotto this week for the $3 million dollar jackpot. I pray that once again you give me all the winning numbers. This time I would like all the winning numbers to be in the same row on my ticket. Please don’t let me lose the winning ticket because that would totally suck. This is all I ask of you.

Your faithful servant,

Jennifer (the one that lives in Aisulov county who used to be a teacher who was born in the fall and grew up in the Northeast and now is writing a blog with her friend Deborah who also grew up in the East coast and we both used to teach together and then they told us not to bother to show up at work on Monday because they don’t have the money to pay us)

P.S. I would like the above and of course world peace. Amen.

Deborah’s reply:

Of course you are not winning by playing the state lottery. Your state (my former state) is a loser state. Number one in all the wrong things – home foreclosures, teacher layoffs, rednecks per square inch. First in line for the Financial Crisis of ’08 (they got there in ’06). Last (probably) place in graduating literate students. And they elected Governor Dumb in 1998 who was succeeded by Governor Dumber in 2006.

You have forgotten yourself. For once you are not aiming high enough. Buy the Powerball ticket and enjoy a karmic connection to people who live in better places. Like Delaware (where the whole state is tax free) and the people VACATION in your state (but never Aisoluv – well except maybe the ones from West Virginia).


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