My favorite feature on Facebook is the hide button. It is the sweetest feature letting you not permanently delete someone from your online life but giving them the designation of “out of status, out of mind.” Nobody has to know and no one is the wiser. Now there could be a minor challenge or two. For example, let’s say that you run into a person you have hidden. You ask them how is it going and they reply with “Have you not read my status on FB?” Your answer is then, of course, ‘I have not been on in a couple of days. What’s going on?” Your Facebook-hidden friend answers, “I got a new job!”

At that point you want to have your own personal hide button because you want this conversation to go away. You are thinking, “How did they get a job so quickly? They just got laid off last week. You have been laid off since before Project Runway left Bravo!

I want a hide button for everything that is, and is not, going on. I want to hide this freaking economy and go back to the 90s. (Oh, how I heart the 90s!) I want to hide the freaking price of gas. (Remember, when you had $20 and you could get a full tank of gas for $10 and go to the movies for $6.50 — cheaper if you had a student ID — and still had $3.50 to split a large combo snack with your friend?) I want to hide the state that I live in because everyday new reports come how we suck in the economy, suck in the housing market, suck in education. And now a new one to add to the list – DRUMROLL – divorces! We’re in the Top 10 in the nation for that one. Of course.

But that is not the world we live in. We must face our reality, pick up ourselves by our bootstraps and carry on. Seriously though, if I hear one more person tell me that they just got employed they are going to have to be hidden. Aaahhhh! The hide button! The ultimate “SHUT THE #$%@ UP” without being rude!

Ms. Dephicit:
Things I would like to be able to hide by pressing a button: my belly, my bank balance (the reality of it), my insecurities (have you seen me!) my cynicism (only at times), some of my students, my major, my age (instead I got my hair colored), my job (when I want a snow day and it’s 65 degrees out), and the huge pile of filing I can never get to at home.