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by: Deborah Dephicit

I picked up a can of that compressed air spray to clean my wireless computer keyboard.  What the heck, it was $1.99, a bargain.

Got it home, couldn’t wait to spray out months worth of dust and cookie crumbs.  Being a professional writer (ahem, yes I am calling myself that now!) I am particular about the tools of my trade.  I always use a wireless mouse and keyboard.  I find the wired models too damned annoying too confining for my creative soul.   Not cheap, but I don’t mind buying nice stuff for my work.  If I were a professional skateboarder I wouldn’t buy my skateboard at Toys R Us.

Also being a professional procrastinator/snacker, I have been known to eat a cookie or five while I work.  I generally go through a wireless keyboard every six to nine months.  Maybe this is why.

After the spray treatment, some dust and crumbs were released.  Sadly, still more now remain permanently lodged underneath my shift key, my space bar my “W” key, etc.,  causing them to just plain not work at all.  Spraying more air only sends the gunk farther in, like a gung ho commando team.  Irreparable damage and endless frustration  for me as work does not get done.  Only one solution —

That $1.99 bottle of air just cost me $59.99 for a new keyboard!


Ms. Poure:
This summer (before I got laid off) I was at the pool of the hotel we were vacationing. (That was back when we could afford to “vacation”! Now, we will be all about the “staycation” mixed with the almost always “no-cation”.)

I was doing basic “mom” stuff – dealing with the kids. DH was doing basic “DH” stuff – nothing. I kept busy keeping track of the offspring’s toys, playing with them in the pool, making sure they had sunscreen and didn’t drown. All that stuff. DH, on the other hand was busy lounging. Here’s what happened next:

This lady came and sat two chairs down from DH and told him how well I played with the children and that she had been admiring me for the past few minutes. I was thinking, “Okay why doesn’t she tell me that?” She continued on and on and DH just said thank you and whatever, you know being polite. She asked if he and his family were from around the area and he replied with where are we from. Coincidentenally, she was also from Aisulov! By the way, this woman was still speaking to him as if I completely did not exist. WAIT FOR IT, IT GETS BETTER! HERE COMES HER BIG QUESTION:

“How much do you pay for your nanny?”

I sat straight up at this point. At first, DH was taken aback and he said, “Excuse me?” The woman repeated herself, “How much for your nanny?” At that point DH decided to have fun at my expense and he answered back, “Well, we pay the agency x amount of money a week and she works Monday through Friday. Sometimes we pay extra for weekends. And during vacation we pay an additional 20 percent to include accommodations and travel expenses.” I was like, “EXCUSE ME! DH, what are you doing?” He responded with, “That is Mr. DH to you!” The lady, still not getting it, then offered to try to make a deal with me and steal me away from my “employer.” She offered me more than what the “agency” was “paying” me with better benefits. OMG! I had just entered an episode of Pimp My Nanny. I had had enough. I informed the lady of her ignorance and her blatant stupidity!

When we got back from vacation, a letter from the school board was waiting for me. It said that due to budget cuts my services would no longer be needed.

DH’s immediate reply? “You should have taken the nanny job!”

Ms. Dephicit:
My thoughts exactly. I’m sure you would have gotten better pay and free food too!