When you go on many interviews (not that this is my case), the questions become repetitive. You find yourself giving the same answers but tailor them to fit that company’s need. If only you can be free and answer the questions as if you were on your ‘tenth date’ rather than your ‘first date’. Just imagine how freeing it would be…
Thank you for coming out to meet me on such short notice. Did you find the directions easy?
Sure. It is not as if my schedule is jam-packed with work. And your directions said nothing about tolls.
Good. Let’s begin. Have you heard of us prior to your application?
Absolutely not. You came across on an email from CareerBuilder.com stating that I match your qualifications. And I Googled you on the day that HR called for an interview.
That’s great! Wonderful! Tell me a little about your current job?
Did you not see my resume? I have no current job! My current job is hunting for jobs. As for my most recent job, due to a reduction in funding (i.e. my position), and maintaining what’s best for the company (the head honcho’s salary) one of us had to go. Guess who lost?
I understand. Unfortunately these things happen. Let’s see, aah, yes, if offered this position, what are your greatest strengths?
I can hold my pee for 5-6 hours. I am not ticklish. And I can eat a whole strawberry-banana cake by myself.
Those are definitely great assets. How about weaknesses? What would they be?
Target, Thai Iced Tea, Bravo’s Real Housewives Series. Not exactly in that order.
Nothing wrong with that. We all have our Achilles’ heel. As for salary, what are you looking at?
$10,000 more than management. Give or add a zero because we both know who is going to be doing all of the work.
Exactly! Do you have any questions for me?
Let’s cut to the chase. How close am I to really getting this job? Did you already hire somebody? Are you just interviewing for HR requirements? Is that your real hair?
Really great, honest questions and I hope I gave you a better understanding of what we do here. Any last questions before we conclude?
Yes. I am parked in the garage. Do you validate?
DEBORAH DEPHICIT RESPONDS:
The suspense is killing me. Did you get the job?
Two years later, hundreds of applications, 3 call backs, 1 phone interview, 1 face-to-face interview – I finally landed a job!
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE everything about the job. I like the company, their mission statement, my bosses, everything! I have an office. A private office (no windows but it’s no cubicle either)!
DH and I are very excited. I told him about my great perks (and The Pointer Sisters are playing). He asked about the salary ( and now the iPod freezes).
“Seriously! Must you take your pay for non-profit so literally and figuratively?”
Whatever. I don’t care. I was employed.
On the 3rd year anniversary of learning that due to county budget cuts my position as a teacher will be eliminated, I received an email from my program director stating that due to federal budget cuts my program will be eliminated come September 30, 2011.
(sigh) I check my phone.
(SMILE) YES!!! I still have unemployment on speed dial.