by: Deborah Dephicit
I have been struggling to complete many chapters in my computer book which are due for homework. The information is necessary and all good but hardly gripping like those cr*p Twilight books no one could put down. Let’s face it, no one is clamoring to make a movie out of “Dreamweaver CS5 for Dummies.” It’s been hard for me to focus on it for more than five minutes at a time without taking a sanity break. As a result my laundry is all done, even the bed linens. The dishes are washed and put away. But the homework guilt weighs heavy. (Heavier than that Red Robin Oktoberfest burger I, unfortunately, had for lunch).
In an effort to find inspiration, I Googled (still procrastinating, I know…) the search “Inspirational Speeches.” There I came across one (written for the Toastmasters) from which I was able to extract the following quote:
and I will bring it out to fruition.”
I copied that sentence and pasted it into a Word document in a large script font. Being a true geek, I stuck it up on my second monitor. Now every time my mind begins to wander (still happens in five minute increments – the book is as dry as ever) instead of roaming the house or the internet in search of things more interesting, I force myself to read that quote. Aloud. That exercise gives me enough of a motivation shot to get through the next five.
I honestly wish my parents had had that saying carved over our doorway so I could have seen it every day before I left for school! All I ever got was, "Don't miss the bus!"
Been studying so hard, really resenting it. Especially that stupid professor who gives us all of that extra reading to do AND a final project. Yo, lady, can’t you pick one or the other? It’s not like we have all day to work on just your stuff. We all have other classes, plus our outside “projects” — like food and laundry! It’s not like we’re 19 and can go get dinner in the dorm cafeteria. Someone’s gotta do the shopping around here.
That’s all the bitter negativity that was running through my head the other day when I was struggling to cram it all into my overloaded brain and still I wanted to have 10 minutes of a weekend to pretend I have a life.
Suddenly the grown up me had a little talk with the childish me. I said, “Are we doing this or are we not doing this? Because you do not HAVE to study this subject. You are perfectly capable of getting and keeping a low paying job for the rest of your life. Which is exactly what you will be doing if you continue to decide that it’s more important to watch some spoiled athletes run around on a field than to study your chosen subject.
You are doing this because you have been SUPPOSED to win the lottery for about 18 years now and the person pulling the numbers STILL has not gotten the message. So if you ever want a chance of owning a nice house, a boat, a pair of Christian-freakin’ Loubitans, then get your nose off that TV screen glass and back in the book.”
I made myself realize that the “evil” professor was not making me do anything. I was the one who had chosen to go back to school. In fact I really didn’t need to study all of those chapters and to put all of that effort into my final project. I really knew enough to fake it and slide by with a B. Of course my chances of landing and keeping a decent job if I did that would be lower than pulling the big six in the Megamillions (which I WILL do someday, damn it!!). No, I played that game the first time around in college and look where it got me — right back in school years later.
Once I realized that I was doing this for me, not my professor, my attitude shot right up. Let’s hope my grades follow! Because this time I am getting an education for the benefit of me – me and my future paycheck!!!
When you go on many interviews (not that this is my case), the questions become repetitive. You find yourself giving the same answers but tailor them to fit that company’s need. If only you can be free and answer the questions as if you were on your ‘tenth date’ rather than your ‘first date’. Just imagine how freeing it would be…
Thank you for coming out to meet me on such short notice. Did you find the directions easy?
Sure. It is not as if my schedule is jam-packed with work. And your directions said nothing about tolls.
Good. Let’s begin. Have you heard of us prior to your application?
Absolutely not. You came across on an email from CareerBuilder.com stating that I match your qualifications. And I Googled you on the day that HR called for an interview.
That’s great! Wonderful! Tell me a little about your current job?
Did you not see my resume? I have no current job! My current job is hunting for jobs. As for my most recent job, due to a reduction in funding (i.e. my position), and maintaining what’s best for the company (the head honcho’s salary) one of us had to go. Guess who lost?
I understand. Unfortunately these things happen. Let’s see, aah, yes, if offered this position, what are your greatest strengths?
I can hold my pee for 5-6 hours. I am not ticklish. And I can eat a whole strawberry-banana cake by myself.
Those are definitely great assets. How about weaknesses? What would they be?
Target, Thai Iced Tea, Bravo’s Real Housewives Series. Not exactly in that order.
Nothing wrong with that. We all have our Achilles’ heel. As for salary, what are you looking at?
$10,000 more than management. Give or add a zero because we both know who is going to be doing all of the work.
Exactly! Do you have any questions for me?
Let’s cut to the chase. How close am I to really getting this job? Did you already hire somebody? Are you just interviewing for HR requirements? Is that your real hair?
Really great, honest questions and I hope I gave you a better understanding of what we do here. Any last questions before we conclude?
Yes. I am parked in the garage. Do you validate?
DEBORAH DEPHICIT RESPONDS:
The suspense is killing me. Did you get the job?
Adult Onset Poverty 